Firewhiskey Fic: Hermione Teaches Anatomy
by UnseenLibrarian
Summary: Hermione tries to teach the lads something about themselves. A March 2012 Firewhiskey Fic entry - drunken misspellings are part of the charm!


**(Original) Title:** Foreskins are Fun!

**Author: UnseenLibrarian**  
><strong>I am of legal drinking age in my region:<strong> (yes/no) YES! Hurray!  
><strong>Pairing(s)Characters:**  
><strong>Challenge:<strong> I used: "KISS ME. I'm IRISH!"  
><strong>Summary:<strong> Foreskins enhance the sexual experience. Just ask everony in this fic.  
><strong>RatingWarnings:** R/NC-17  
><strong>Word count:<strong> approx. 1800  
><strong>Author's Notes:<strong> (if any) Yeah, so, I nhad a fucking hell of a time getting inspired for this one. I love our/my Mods, I l,ove my huvvby my bhubby who showed me his foreskin for inspiration, and I love you aoll. Really. Yesy. For shre. Stoopid keeyarboard.

Fucking rNora.

ANYWAUY

**FOR#ESKINS ARE FUN**

"Foreskins add to the whole sexual experiendce you know," Hermioone said, swottily. She turned a page in her book and contined to read.

"Whazzat?" Ron asked with his usual quick wittendness.

Her'minon sighted, stick er finger in the book to hold her place, and repleated, "Foreskins enhandce the sexy ual experience for me,n."

"Whate the fuck are you reading, Hermione?" asked Harry, who was looking at hte chess board and wonderinf if his pices were going to mutiny. Ron was creaming him.

" Are you circumsized, Harry?" she asked, not worrying abou people's reactions. She was above all that. The entire Gryffindore commen room webt qwuoet to hear his repsonxwe.

"Um... well, no, I ... my h parents didn' have mye crcomsinxed when I was a baby and my aunt and uncle never cottoned onto the fact. Thank fuck. I like my foresjkin, thank you very much," Harry opined.

"And whyy do you likes it?" Hermione quireid, pursing the topic with interest. Ron was blushing like a babboon's bum.

Hary shifted uncomfortably. Not because he didn't like the conversaion – quote the opposite. He was getting turned on and his stiffy was straining at hie the fly of his Muggle clothing. Why the fick fo fuch fuck don't I ever remembe to to au naturael under my robes? Damn it.  
>:I lie my foreskin because it enhances my masturbatorty experiebce," he said with aplomb. Rob's Ron's face fell open with asstoniskhmendt and he looked down at his own crotch.<p>

"Hopw so?" Hermione pursied.

"It is extra sensory skin and I can rum rub it all voer the head of my dick and it feels fucking amazintg." Harry said, blunktly. "Want to see?" he asled, asked too, boldly, unzipping his fly.

"I never thought of that, Harry. Bloody heal, you are right!" ron ugased a Ron gazed at Harry with amaze,ent, and unzipped his wn fly.

"Hold on, you horney bastaerds,:" squeeled Hermione. "Let me briung in a few other folkks to compaire." She turned around in her seet, kneeling up on her nees (what the fuck else would she use for kneeling, after all) and spoke to the common room at large. She forgot she was wearing a thong under her short little gray Hogwarts sikirt, so Harry and Ron got an eyeful of her glishtening gluteuys maximi and her little tiny GREEN thong.

"Seamus? Where are you? We need you over here please,": she annouced swpttily. Every a male over 13 years old got an instant stiffy at the sound of her imperial tone and her no-noncessentce attutidue. They were all jealous of Seamus, even if they didn't know him.

The sandy-haired young man in question stempped forward, grinning l,ike a loomn.

"Aye, 'Ermione! What's it you need of me tonigh'?" he asked, with a knwlng knowing grin on is face.

:I"I have need of your cock's presence here on the couch, my friend," re[lyed Hermione. Sea smirked, collected a Gallioen from Dean (with whom he ahad bet that he'd ge to fuck Hermione Grandger sone day soon) and he lept over the couch, landing besiude Hermione. He took note of her grene thong.

"Hay, Her,ion Herm9oone. What's the green thong for? Are you looking for a little Snake action tonight,?" he asked, unzipping his own jeans as he spoke. He reaced inside and pulled out a huge, thick, knobbligy veigned cock – complete with forewjskin.

"Why, YES, ans a pater of fact. A matter of fact too,: " dralwd Hermione. She knelt in fromt of the flue, I mean fireplace, PURPOSELY showing off her Green Thong with all ove her brown cxrinkly pubic hairs sticking out, as she Floo-called over to the Slytherin High Command. ER, I mean Common Room.

:"Yo! Is Draco available to speak?" she called, with a tone that youw would brook no argument.  
>"Yes, Granger. Goesds, I'm here." Draco's unmistakeable draownl Reverberated rhouhg the Gryffindor commone room. Nevel Navell fainted.<p>

:Drac;, please come to the Gryf Tower. I have need of your cock tobight." Hermine stated, firlmyl.

":Tonight? Ficking hell, YES, I've been waitning for this. I'll be there in ten," Draco said, the smirk on his face evident even in the glow of the embers.

"E#xcellent. See you soon." Hermione cut the connection and begane to unbutton her bliouse.

"What the fuck is all thais aout, Hermione?" asked Ron.

"I am going to show you how much fiun you guys have with foreskins!:" Hermione beamed. She pulled off the bliouse, revealing a dark green demi-bra, her tits and nopples in clear, obvious state of arounsal. She began to tweek them for her mail audience of Ron, Harry, and Seamus.

Harry looked appalled at his own reacton to thiss sister-like beaing. He was fucking hard as a rock and couln't believe he'd never seen Hermione as a secual creatu4er befor.e

Ron was hard as oak, and wished thar Seamus and Harry weren't around because he'd like to bend Hermione over the arm of rthe coutch and give her cootch the old in-out0in-out, to show her what he really thought of her. Watching her fingers tugging on her nipples made him want to scream for mercy.

Seamus, meanwhile, had nothing to worry about. He enjoyed a good fuck, had taken Hermione's cherry three months bvefor,e and the two of them had had a grand old time fucing in Greenhouse #4 sinc ethen. Ron could have her for keeps, when the time came (ha r har) butr for bow, Seamus was happy to show the was of the Irish lover to Hermione, the Swot of Gryffindor.

"Why ar you part of thgis, Seamus?" askled Ron, who looked rather envious when he saw the seize of Sea's dick. He'd grown a great deal over the previous summer, both in height and in cock size.

:I'm here because Hermione wants me here," Sea replied. " A great deal of it ahas to do with this montherficker between my legs," he stated. "But I am also a cunning linguist!" he added.

**"Kiss me, I'm Irish,!"** he c alled to Hermione, and she grinned as she bent over to snog Seamus, tonge and all, in front of ver friends.

**A/N: ... I've gronw thirdd tired of this stupid fic. MOVING ON**

Draco knocked three times on the ceiling cuz he wanted Hermione, and she let him into the room.  
>Everyopje had been baninsed from the Common Room except for Ron, Seamus, Harry, Draco, and Hermone. Hermione had ex hexed the lot of them rest to leave.<p>

"Why did you infite Draco, Herms?" asked Ron. Herms scowled.

"Cuze I like the cut of his jib," she said. "Plus, I want to fuck him while Sea's cock is in my mouth."

Harry and Ron staired, open mouthed, at their normally demure friend.

":While I'm doing that,: she continued, and Draco smirked while disrobing, revealing an alabaster white but impressively sized prink, "I want the two of you to fuck me up the ass. I want Harry in my ass, and Ron in Harry's arse. I mean arse. Whatever. Plase. That way,. Ron's movements will force Harry to Fuck Me the way I wans meant to be fucked. Sea, Draco, and Harry, fucking Hermione Grabnger, the way she was meant to be loved."

With that, Hermione ripped off her green thougng and assumed the position. Draoc, now naked, slid underneath her and heald his huege cockamamie cock steady as she IMPA:LED herself on it (A/N: I fucking hate that word in erotica, BTW). Sea, meanwhile, straddled Draco's head and his prick stoopd broudly out in front of her face. Hermione swallowed it greedily. Daughter of dentists, she was without a gag revlex, and she swallowed Sea down like a giant Twizzler.

Hermione beckined to Ron, who had a large frexkeled Dick. With deft hand ,ovements, she indicated she wanted him in her arse. She used nonverbal magic to lubricate her arse, and Ron, who was no virgin (Lavender had ravished him thoroughly and made him fuck every one of her orifices from here until the new Millenium", nevertheless almost lost his leand load as he thrist/forced/ slid his way into Hermione's hot little anus.

"FUCL!L!K!" he said with eloquence, as he held onto her hips and drove his big, freckled, foreskinned prick into her hot, steaming arsehole. "You are so tirght, Mipone! Marry me!" he cryied.

"Mmrmvorrtpfpyt" she said around Sea's cock, which was thrust so far down her throat he could practically feel the heads of Ron's and Draco's not-small phalluses. Phalli? Dicks!

"What?" asked Ron.

"She said YES, for fiuck sake!" growned Draco, as he too gripped Hermione's hips and emptyed his load into her twat. "Fuc,k, YTEAH. That's FANTASTIC, Hranger.:: he groaned as he rolled away. "For a mugdblood you are a fantiastic fuck. When you get tired of Weasley hre and have whelped him enough brats – if you still have muscle tone in that twat of yours – give me a cal."

Hermione stroked his hair, gave him the finger, then cluctched at Harry, urging him to take the Ferret's place. Harry dcralled beneeath her and, holdingh his cock steady, groaned ans she fucked herself down onto his dick and began to ride him like the coin-operated bucking bronco outside of Wal-Mart.

Harry had been a virgin until tonight, and to lose his virginity with his best friend was like realizeing an unrealized dream. He relaized this as he jizzed in her come-filled twat.

_Holdy shite, I came inside Hermioen – AHGER AFTER Malfoy!_ Harry slid wetly out of Hermione, rolled over, and watched Ron squall alike a little girl as he rammed his big freckeld prick inside Hermion'es arsehole and jizz everyonwer. Seamus stiffedned, groaned, and carressed Hermione's head lovingly as he jammed his dick down her throat and came.

As Sea's sperm filled her mouth and throat and came out her nostrils, Hermione groaned, moan, and squirmed, findhiung her own release as her fingers frigged her own clit (even with four men, she mused to herself in that great multi-tasking brain of hers, I need to stimulate myself to orgasm. Jeeezxins. Give me a collection of dildoes any day.)

"So,. What does this tell us about foresk9ns, Her,ione?" asked Ron and Harry, in unison, scarily choosing the exact same wordsw. Hermione thumped the side of her head.

"I forgot to have a control! I need someone without a foreshin to fuick wme as someone with a F-sjin does. Damn, we'll have to do it again sometime." Sje giggled.

The quintuplet of sex-sated young people collapsed in a heap. Hermione, resting on the furry chest of Seamus, streched up and kissed him soundly. "There you go, Irish," she said smuigly, as they all driffed off into a come-filled, sticky sleep.

"aye, lassie," he said smiggly.

Amen. Er, whatever.

_(FIN)_


End file.
